The Day

Today is the day.  The day I have been dreading since March, really.  The day that I thought my heart would be broken.  Today is the day our sweet baby was supposed to be born.  And thanks be to God it's not as hard as I thought it would be.  The days in September leading up to this day were actually harder than today has been. All month I have had moments of sorrow.  Moments where I went to put a hand on my belly and it wasn't there.  Moments where I wished I could feel life moving inside, only to realize it wasn't going to happen.  Moments were I realized that on this day my arms would be empty.  There was not going to be a newborn placed in my arms today.  But thankfully - today, my arms are not completely empty.  I have my 2 precious gifts to snuggle and hold.  To laugh with and play with.  We miss that little life.  We miss what that baby could have added to our family.  Today, we feel the hole that has been left in our family.

But we know God is in control.  We know this was part of His plan.  That little life is rejoicing with Him in heaven.  There are so many things we feel like we will miss out on, but at the same time, there are so many things I can see right now that wouldn't have happened in my life had this little life come into the world today.  And I'm very thankful for those things.

I wouldn't have my job and I wouldn't have met the wonderful people that I work with.  They have been a blessing to my life already in so many ways, that I know this is where I'm supposed to be.

I started back to Bible Study Fellowship 2 weeks ago.  It is a new study on Revelation that has been AMAZING just in these past 2 weeks.  It has been such an encouragement and there is no way that I would have been able to do this with a newborn.

I have more time for my girls.  Monkey is at such an inquisitive age and Lil Bit is growing so fast before our eyes.  We are at a fun stage in our family and it's fun to be able to truly enjoy it without being so exhausted!

Now, I would immediately trade all that for that little baby to be part of our family here on this earth.  But that can't happen today, so I choose to see the blessings in the path God has chosen for us.  And today, we will rest in the fact that we will one day hold that child.