Dare to Compare

We are walking through Luke on Sunday mornings in service right now.  For the past two weeks we have studied the story of the prodigal son.  The first week we looked at the story from the perspective of the younger son.  Last week - we look at it through the eyes of the older son.  This one hit home for me.

Our pastor talked about how the younger son said to the father "give me what I want" and the older son said to the father "give me what I deserve".  Neither son really loved their father.  When their father was so gracious to the younger son upon his return the older son became angered.  This son was self-righteous and our pastor talked about how when grace is shown to a repentant sinner, the self-righteous become angry.  The older son loved his worthiness, righteousness, being good and his reward more than he loved his father.  He told his father that he had never disobeyed him, that he had done everything that was required of him, but in that moment also told his father that he had never really been given anything.  He was being just as disrespectful of his father then as the younger son was the moment he left the farm.

Towards the end of the sermon, our pastor said that self-righteousness alters our view of reality and keeps us from loving others.  But then he said the statement that really hit home.

We cannot love someone when we are constantly comparing ourselves to that person.

I've thought about that statement over the last few days and it continues to grow.  If you are comparing yourself to someone then you are either saying - I'm not as good as that person, or I'm better than that person.  Neither of those thoughts are pleasing to God and if we are children of God - neither of those statements is true.

Sadly, if I were to be vulnerable, I see more of myself in the older son right now.  Not that anyone on the outside sees it, but it's in my heart.  I have been battling with it for awhile, and the Lord has been placing things in my life to bring it to the forefront - I can't ignore it.  I often find myself looking at people in different circumstances and think - I would never make that decision, or I could do that better, or I can't believe they chose to do that.  Well, who am I to say that.  Most of the time it is a circumstance I have never been in - so I don't know what I would do or say.  But often times, my saying in my heart that I would never... leads me to feel as though I am better than that person because...

It kind of makes me sick to admit this, but I'm admitting it in so public a forum because I really want to work on my heart and I really want to become aware of when those thoughts creep into my mind.  Especially before I have a child.  I can see where once we have a child these thoughts could get out of hand and I don't want to be that mother.  I don't want to constantly be comparing myself to other people.  I want to be the person that God created me to be, with the heart that God desires me to have.  I want to be the mother that God leads me to be and raise my child in the way that God would have me to.  Regardless of what other people are doing.  This is going to be hard.  It's hard to change the things that we feel are "wired" into us.  But those thoughts come from my flesh and I want to get rid of them and replace them with thoughts from the Spirit.

We are called to love everyone.  We can only do that through the help of the Spirit.  So I pray that as I become more aware of myself and who God created me to be that my heart would be changed to be more like His.  That I would be able to love all those who are around me and remember that I have just as much sin in my heart.  I need grace just as much as the person next to me and I am no better.