Prayers Appreciated

It's been awhile since I have been really personal on here.  But I think it's time.

About 6-8 months ago Nate and I decided we were ready to have another child.  We don't feel like our family is complete with Monkey.  Though she is such a blessing in our lives and we are thankful for her, we would like for her to have a sibling.  We have been trying on our own for awhile unsuccessfully.  Honestly, everyone tells you it is so much easier to have another one once you have had one.  Not in our case.

Two months ago, we revisited the fertility clinic and we have already gone through two unsuccessful rounds of IUI.  If you have been a follower of our blog for awhile now, you will remember that it took 3 failed IUI's and a surgery then the 4th IUI took with Monkey.

So, not that we were really expecting this to be the road we would return down, we were at least prepared we might have to take this journey again.

So tomorrow morning, I will go in for an outpatient procedure - the same one I had almost 3 years ago.  We hope that she finds endometriosis and is able to clean it out again and that we are able to get pregnant again.  We ask for your prayers.  We ask for a successful  and safe procedure.  There are very low risks with this, but when you add a child to the mix it makes me more nervous.  And now that we do have a child, I pray for a speedy recovery.

Nate and I both feel that our family is not complete.  Whether the Lord chooses to give us another biological child, or chooses another way - we truly feel that we are not done.

This has not been an easy second journey.  I think I was mistaken that we "had it all figured out".  God really worked in my life and heart on the first journey.  He broke me down and taught me that I wasn't in control of anything, He was.  He was the creator of life, I couldn't choose when it happened.  You would think after all we went through the first time that it would have sunk in.  Well it didn't.  The last 2 months I have found myself struggling with God all over again.  Not wanting to give up control.  You see, even though we are having to have fertility treatments, we found what worked last time, so I had some illusion going that we were in control.  Yet again, God has been showing me over and over again that He is in control.  And you know what - life is so much easier lived when you let God have control.  It's still a daily battle, but hopefully after the second time of discipline it will finally sink in for real!

God is good.  God is in control.  He is in control tomorrow during my surgery, He is in control of my recovery, and He is in control of our future family - whatever it looks like.

Please pray with in the morning at 10:30.  I probably won't put an update on here for a little bit since I will be on pain meds.  I don't trust myself to get on here under the influence!

Also - as we approach good Friday and Easter Sunday - I want to say that I am so thankful that God sent His only son to die for my sins.  To be resurrected so that I may be free from my sins and live eternally with Him.  I'm so thankful for that sacrifice, because it is in that sacrifice that God became my Heavenly Father.  My Heavenly Father that disciplines me because He loves me.  My Heavenly Father who takes care of me and teaches me, refining me so that I am constantly becoming more of who He created me to be.  My Heavenly Father who knows my aches and my desires and He is with me every step of my journey.

Glory Be to God.