And Just Like That...

we are going to be a family of 5.  Yep, just like that - it's hard to believe it's that easy to say this time.  I'm guessing that most of you that read my blog already know that we are expecting our 3rd child.  We went today for our 8 week ultrasound and saw a healthy heartbeat.  What a gift!

Our family journey has been a long one - 6 long years to be exact.  It's hard to believe we are on the back end of that part of our journey.  I hope none of you think it's morbid to think back, I don't.  And it doesn't scare me, even sitting at 8 weeks.  What it does do, is give me hope to think back on our journey because I can see God's hand in the whole thing.

6 years ago this month we were finding out we were pregnant for the very first time.  We were so excited and nervous.  It hadn't really taken us that long to get pregnant and we were ready to welcome our baby that November.  We even went in and saw a heartbeat.  Then almost one week to that day we found out that we had lost that baby.  I never imagined that would begin the journey that would bring us here.

That started our 2 year long journey to get Monkey here.  Those were obviously the hardest 2 years of this journey.  They were years filled with wondering if we would ever get to have our own biological children.  They were years filled with praying to God and learning to truly trust in Him - REALLY trust in Him.  They were years of waiting on results to get negative after negative after negative.  They were years of questioning.

I have always been gifted with blind, easy faith - so my questions don't last long, but He used those 2 years to break down this control freak (in that area at least) and I really came to the understanding that I was in no way in control of whether or not I had a baby.  Only God can create life.  They were years of doing research and visiting adoption agencies.  And at the end of those 2 years, we didn't give up, but we had decided we were going to be happy and move forward with whatever plan God had.

And then He chose to gift us with Monkey.  What a beautiful gift she is.  I can't believe that I get to be her mom.  She tries my patience most days and pushes me to my limits, but man she makes me a better person.  After Monkey was born, we knew we wanted at least 1 more child.  The process to get Monkey here was so daunting that I really thought I could only do it one more time.  So we gave it another go - had another surgery and we were gifted with Lil Bit a little over 2 years later.  I have tears in my eyes as I type this, because she has been such a different gift than her sister.  Each of them truly making me a better person, but in very different ways.

When I was pregnant with her, I was convinced this part of our journey was over.  I really dislike being pregnant.  I tend to complain anyway on a normal day, but man pregnancy magnifies that!  The whole time I was pregnant with her, I would look at Nate and say - I"M DONE!  The other factor in that was my fear of another surgery.  The surgeries themselves are not hard, neither are the recoveries.  But with hopefully 2 healthy children, I wasn't too keen on the idea of willingly putting myself at risk for the chance of another child.  So, I was done.

Until the day that  Lil Bit was born.  I will never forget sitting in the hospital bed looking at her.  In that quiet moment, while I was staring at her sweet face, God whispered in my ear, "she's not your last one".  I remember kind of shaking my head like I needed to hear it again, but those words were already pressing into my heart.  In the next moment I looked up at Nate and smiled and said "we aren't done."  Of course in that moment he looked at me like I was crazy.  He said, we will talk about it.  We just had a baby.  And I just said, "nope, we aren't done."  And that was it.

From then on , I began to beg the Lord to create this life without the need for surgeries or any kinds of treatment.  I prayed that it would be His Will for our family, for it to just happen.  I knew in my heart He was the One that told me we would have another and I knew I had to trust Him.  And look at what He did!!!!  He has created every life that I have carried in my womb, but I am so thankful for this to have been a "normal" pregnancy.  God is so good.  God was so good when I was going through my miscarriage, when I had to go through 2 surgeries and countless procedures - He has been good through it all.  I'm so thankful for our journey.  I'm so thankful for our family.  I am terrified at having 3 kids age 4 and under, but God knew what our family would look like and He will guide me and direct me.

Thank you Lord for creating this new life in our family.  We pray that it would be your will for this child to be healthy and full term.  We pray that I would have a healthy pregnancy.  And given our journey, we just pray that You would prepare our hearts for whatever road you have for us to walk down.  We know that You are walking this journey with us and that you will never forsake us.  Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.  What a wonderful God who still performs many miracles every day!