O Happy Day

Today is a good day - a great way to start a new year.  I sometimes have a hard time focusing in church on Sunday mornings.  Especially during prayer- my mind usually runs through just about everything that I can during prayers.  This morning, I was intentional about praying to God that He would speak to me today - that He would help me drown out everything else this morning.

You know what - He did.  Have you ever had those moments when you just KNOW that God is speaking to you?  I don't have a lot that I can recall right now, but I have had at least two before today.  I can still remember the way that my heart felt when God called me to Him.  It was a shift in my heart.  I remember the day that God called me to go to church at Brentwood Baptist - heard an audible voice telling me to go there.  That is where I met Nate.  Then there was today...

I had a really hard day yesterday.  Nate and I decided to look through all the adoption information that my neighbor gave me as a means to starting our research.  It had an effect that I didn't expect.  As I was sitting looking at all the paperwork - I got really angry.  I mean ANGRY.  It just kept building - I just never thought it would be this hard to have a child.  It subsided a little bit yesterday, and I know that I am moving through all the stages that people do when they feel like they are infertile.  It's normal.  But, what I wanted to know yesterday was, when it was going to end.  When would I be at peace?  When would I just be able to move forward - happily?

So after yesterday - I walked into church this morning hoping that I would hear from God.  The sermon today was on three areas of spiritual maturity to pursue in the new year.  The pastor's second point was that he hoped we would be able to make practical use of God's wisdom for doing life.  It was the next statement that hit me hard.  He said,

Often times, many Christians are waiting for God to do something big in their lives, when they are neglecting the wisdom that God has already given them.

This is really hard to explain in words, but I felt my heart shift this morning - it was almost like it did a 180 in my chest.  As I sat there processing that statement, I just got a huge smile on my face.  I literally felt the burden lift off my shoulders and felt peace.  It was amazing.  God has given me what I need to move forward - He will walk with me.  Now sure, it's still going to be hard - I'm still going to get angry and sad, but I think it will feel different - I think I will handle it differently.

He also gave me this verse this morning.  It is the second part of John 10:10

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  NIV

 "...I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." NASB

He didn't come so I could sit at home and feel sorry for myself.  He didn't come so I can want only what I want instead of His will for my life.  He came that I might have LIFE, and not just life, but life ABUNDANTLY.  I have been waiting for a child to make my life full - no child will ever do that and it's not fair to put that expectation on them.  I already have a chance at a full life - God gave me that chance when He called me - now I just have to live it!

God knows what this year holds for us and I am now excited about it.  I feel like God has opened the doors and made a clear path towards adoption for us.  We will begin that journey - but along that journey I'm still going to live - not wait to live, but live.