Fault Line

We all have faults, most of us are aware of them-  but nothing brings those faults to the surface quite like having children - particularly toddlers.  Oh my - the sin in my life that my child reveals to me is quite amazing.  Lately - my short fuse has come to the surface more often than I would have liked.  Sure, as a parent we all have our moments where we are at our wits end and can go forward no more.  Those are going to happen - but I have been losing my cool more often lately and I don't like what I see.

You see, I have a pretty amazing child (children, but this post is just about Monkey - and yes I'm biased!).  She is VERY inquisitive, kind, loving, helpful, hilarious to name a few.  But she is also 2 1/2.  Currently that age trumps everything.  Though this is one of my favorite ages, it is also a very hard age for me.  She is learning her independence which I want to encourage, but along with that also comes defiance.  She is learning to help me around the house and with her sister, but along with that comes frustrations from help gone wrong.  She is so very loving, but loves with great force and sometimes accidents happen just out of her showing love.  She is learning period, but along with that comes the incessant questions and non-stop talking that by the end of the day can become too much.

The "buts" are my problem.  The "buts" get me into trouble - they reveal my faults - my short fuse.  And in the last few weeks I'm beginning to see that my faults affect my daughter negatively.  Now - I'm not writing this because I'm striving for perfection - that will never happen.  I'm writing this because my heart breaks when I see her face every time I lose it.  I chip away a little bit at her spirit - that amazing spirit that I want to nurture and not break.

So it is in the past few weeks that I have seen my great need for God in my execution of parenting.  I need God to help me stop and count before I lose it and raise my voice louder than necessary.  I need God to help me stop and look at my beautiful child for a moment and realize the gift that she is to me.  I need God to help me see her spirit, I need His guidance on how to nurture that beautiful spirit that He created and how to help her blossom and not wilt.

Yes, we will still discipline and teach responsibility, but may I learn to do so through God's grace, mercy and love.  May my child be able to see Christ in the way I guide her.  May I learn to show grace to myself as I learn through this process.