Nursing vs. Formula - The Epic Battle

As your pregnancy progresses - you really begin to think about how you are going to feed your child.  Now, most of my life - before I even got married - I always said that when I had a child I didn't even want to try to nurse - I would just go straight to the bottle.  But when you actually get pregnant, things begin to change in your thinking and I decided that I would at least give nursing a try.

I have had friends that never had a problem and nursed beautifully and I have had friends struggle for many different reasons, so I knew it could go either way.  I reasoned with myself over nursing:  it's the best thing for the baby, it's good for you and helps you lose weight, it's FREE, you always have it with you and you don't have any prepping...

Well, it went OK in the hospital, but the day, yes THE DAY we came home - the first feeding was not good.  So I called in a lactation consultant to work with me in the home.  I tried.  I was producing, things were fine, but we were having problems with latching and pain.  I won't go into details (since there are men that read this!) but it was really painful and really stressful for me.  Many times of nursing were spent crying and I would even dream of bottle feeding, literally, and wake up happy.  But I was making milk.  And in my mind - my body was doing what it was supposed to and I needed to tough it out and give my girl what she needed.

Enter week two.  I had a couple of days when I thought things were going great.  And then after those two days - we hit another road block.  The consultant came out and weighed Pumpkin and she had lost weight from her doctor's visit.  She said she thought my supply was starting to dwindle and I needed to pump to up production.  So after a full night of feedings, only able to pump just what she needed, crying out of guilt of wanting to quit, Nate and I decided it was best for us all to quit.

Nursing was so painful it was only a means to feed my baby.  No bonding happened, I was just worried about getting the right position and latch and getting the right amount into her.  I felt like a milk maid instead of a mommy.  It just wasn't worth it.  So we made an appointment with our doctor and actually got to see the only female in the practice.  She was so encouraging and told me that I did good - I got 2 weeks of my milk in her and that if I wanted to quit, I just had to get over it and move on.  All 3 of her boys ended up having to be formula fed and that it would be ok.

That was so helpful.  I'm not knocking either way of feeding.  I've just learned that it's not just what it good for the baby - it's what is good for both mommy and baby.  In our case it's formula.  Don't get me wrong - I still feel guilty - especially since I started making more milk (getting better), I feel sad for her b/c she seems to have trouble transitioning and I look at her and want to cry because I made the decision.  But eventually, she will get used to it, my milk with dry up and my hormones will level out and all will be right with the world!